Blessthefall members finally overdose on Starbucks, admitted to area hospital

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By Taylor Stevens

Phoenix, Arizona

Sources have reported that Blessthefall members recently overdosed on Starbucks whilst on a three day Mariokart bender, without stopping to eat or sleep. Members are currently admitted to area hospital for alleged observation and treatment of severe exhaustion, heart palpitations, ruptured eardrums and subsequent panic attacks. Additionally, guitarist Elliot Gruenberg was also rumored to have been treated for post traumatic stress disorder related to chronic self-imposed solitary confinement. Sources cite that Elliot’s medical condition may have been the inspiration behind their latest release entitled “To those Left Behind.” In unrelated news, vocalist Beau Bokan was asked when he thought Starbucks would finally spell his name correctly, he responded with “Does it even matter anymore.”

Be sure and catch Blessthefall on their upcoming summer tour promoting their latest release.

Danny Worsnop mistaken for homeless man, denied entry into LA club

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Los Angeles, California

After several unsuccessful attempts at gaining admittance, Danny Worsnop was denied entry into The Rainbow on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood this past Saturday evening.  Sources cite he was mistaken by the club’s bouncers for an irate homeless individual who frequently visits the area.  Worsnop was physically removed by the club’s security guards after an alleged heated altercation. He was overheard shouting “Do you even know who I am?, I’m the new king of rock and roll, motherfucker!” and “This is the only job that gives me free drugs”.  The F-list celeb appeared to be inebriated and was apprehended by the LAPD shortly thereafter for wielding a small pocketknife around, (pictured above) apparently alarming his Uber driver.  Onlookers cited he was “making outlandish claims about being a famous rock star and telling the officers ‘I play full stadiums you asshole’ “.

It is unclear whether Worsnop will still embark on his 2016 solo tour. Stay tuned as this story continues to unfold.

Slayer fans outraged over August Burns Red Grammy Nomination

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Following the Recording Academy’s announcement of the 2016 Grammy Nominees for Best Metal Performance, aging metal fans everywhere are in an uproar over newcomer August Burns Red’s nomination for their song “Identity”.

This Is Not Your Scene had a chance to interview fans to obtain their commentary on the rapidly unfolding situation. One fan stated, “I can’t believe Slayer or ACDC wasn’t nominated again, for the 20th year in a row.” Another Slayer fan lamented in the comments section, “well, i’ve never even herd of this band so they must be irrelevant. i mean, just look at they’re video. its like spongebob under the sea meets shark tank. Wut a bunch of fucken tards.” People continued to lash out following the announcement:

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Despite all of the outrage, Slayer, ACDC, Black Sabbath and Maiden elitists alike have had a hard time grappling with the reality that fans today, which are actually their own grandchildren, do not in fact listen to the same style of metal. “They are showing no signs of coming to terms with the fact that their own taste in music is largely out of touch with what’s been happening in the modern music scene over the past fifteen years plus. Many of these same fans have not even noticed the litany of Fixodent ads populating on their Youtube searches and Facebook sidebar” stated a Grammy Committee member. “So you can only imagine how behind these people are. It is our sincere hope that more relevant nominations will begin to foster more foward-thinking and bring about a positive change to make the Grammys less of a laughing stock in years to come.”

Fronzilla to launch yet another shirt with the word “Fuck” on it

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Orlando, Florida

This Is Not Your Scene recently caught up with Chris Fronzak in his hometown of Orlando, Florida. “Anytime I need to get more bling,  another Ferrari, or support my girlfriend’s shopping addiction, I simply launch a shirt with the word “Fuck” on it, problem solved. It doesn’t even matter what the shirt says anymore” he emphasized. “You put “Fuck” on a tank top with bold textured white font and kids will buy it. The shirt could even be pink or even tie-dyed. It doesn’t matter. These are trade secrets” he stressed. I tried selling shirts with a picture of Capri-Sun and a hairless cat that said Dank Yoloswag and I didn’t sell a single one. I added the word “Fuck” and I sold more than 2,000 of them before noon first day of Warped Tour this year. ”

Catch Fronzilla on his upcoming solo rap tour this winter, see flyer below:

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Rocket Bokan and Colby the Frenchie still more popular than Rise Records founders band

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Portland, Oregon

This just in: Rocket Bokan and Colby the Frenchie are still more popular than Rise Records founder Craig Ericson’s band, which we are unable to name at this time because no one from this website knows who they are either. If you or anyone you know has any information as to the name or whereabouts of Ericson’s band, please comment below or reach out to your local news station’s lost and found department. Even an official Twitter handle or Instagram name would be of great assistance.