Artery Recordings Drops Slaves; Jonny Craig Hired by Apple

 

jonny-cash

Sacramento, California

After releasing a controversial statement to their Facebook page blasting the label, Artery Recordings have dropped Slaves from their roster.

Thisisnotyourscene reached out to Jonny Craig, vocalist of Slaves for an exclusive statement. Craig has since decided to pursue what he considers to be his ‘true calling’, working as a MacBook sales representative at his local Apple store. “It’s unfortunate what went down with Artery and Slaves today, but I couldn’t be more thrilled about this career shift. This is where my heart lies so maybe its for the best” he said optimistically. Craig went on to say he received a call from the CEO himself, after someone in the Apple finance department heard about his nationwide DIY MacBook sales efforts.

We also contacted Apple CEO Tim Cook to comment on the recent recruitment of Craig. “These are the kind of ambitious, innovative individuals we need working at Apple, ones who understand the core fundamentals of our business model: selling Apple products no matter the cost.” He went on, “Once we heard about Craig’s miraculous ability to not only effectively market but also sell MacBooks that didn’t even exist, we knew this remarkable gift combined with our real, tangible MacBooks was a Fortune 500 company’s wet dream. If we can harness, implement and scale Jonny’s technique, it will mean nothing short of global domination. Next quarter we will be rolling out a company wide training program for Apple employees that will teach the core concepts of Jonny’s unprecedented sales discovery.”

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