Local band signs to Sumerian Records, can’t wait for years of indentured-servitude


Madison, Wisconsin

This just in: Up and coming djentcore band Unit of Measurement just signed to Sumerian Records after a grueling four month Battle of the Bands contest and are looking forward to years of indentured-servitude. The contest was a self funded worldwide tour-turned reality show consisting of bands hand picked by Sumerian. In the spirit of popular reality show Naked and Afraid, all bands were required to play strictly uncovered, outdoor shows completely exposed to the elements, enduring severe weather extremes and foraging for their own food and water. “It’s a real test of endurance because we want to make sure we are signing bands that actually appreciate the $10,000 advance we are so graciously bestowing on them. They have to work for it” explained Ash Avildsen, owner of Sumerian Records and director of the show.

We caught up with the vocalist of Unit of Measurement following his return home to get his thoughts on scoring the new deal: “I just can’t wait for the thrill of living in a rusted out van, taking shits in gas station bathrooms, and not showering for weeks on end until the stench of rotting food, sweat and foot fungus completely permeates our 1996 Ford 15 passenger van with 760,540 miles on it” he stated enthusiastically. “All whilst our label siphons off the majority of our royalties from our seven album deal. I’ve waited my whole life for this” he continued. “I’m looking forward to follwing Ash’s instagram feed, to watch how our hard-earned money disappears into thin air via renting yachts on Lake Tahoe, or making shitty straight-to-DVD indie flicks with G-list actors” the drummer enthusiastically added. ” We couldn’t afford a lawyer so we had to take their 360 deal, but hey, at least we aren’t signed to Victory! #silver-lining.”



Update 12/7

This Is Not Your Scene has learned one of the bands involved in the contest unfortunately lost their spot after succumbing to severe heat exhaustion following an outdoor show that was held in the Australian outback for native Aborigines. Reports cite another band dropped out early on in the race after allegedly contracting ebola during a show in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Sumerian Records declined to comment on the former, but did confirm that a band dropped out of the race after the bands drummer developed gangrene related to a severe case of frostbite from playing without his shoes at an outdoor show in the Siberian wilderness.


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